So what has happened since last you've seen of me? For one, I stayed awake for twenty hours watching the Planet of the Apes marathon. Some freaky thoughts can travel through one's head when watching a post-apocalyptic movie at 2am.

And secondly, I really don't know. The hospitalization pointed out the really fucked-up relationship I have with my parents, not communicating with them and all, but am I really a terrible person for not really wanting to tell them every single fucking thought and detail that's going through my head!? Especially when I spend most of my waking hours biting my tongue and holding back my shouting out how incredibly annoying and ignorant they are? Argh!

And to you, pastor Oscar: what if I don't want to go to your church!? What if I don't want to go to any church at all? Why the fuck should I go to your building ten hours out of my week listening to how I should repent my sins (which were defined thousands of years ago with only a relatively few still being relevant today) lest I be thrown into a burning lake of fire once I die!?

Grah!! I HATE how you all live expecting a reward for your DEATHS! You live abstaining from experiences to build up a credit for your afterlife, and convincing others to do as you do.

And one more thing, you people at that church scare the fuck out of me. I mean, for the love of your god, she's got to be fifteen at the most. How could you let her go out with someone who's more than ten years older than her, and then be SHOCKED to find that she's pregnant a few weeks later?

AND you condone physical discipline for your children! AND, the last time I was there, there were at least fifty people around me laying their hands on me as they prayed for me. And when one of you came to visit me in the hospital you just had to put your hand on my head, and then my shoulder, and then up and down my back as you PRAYED LOUDLY for me in front of the other spooked out patients and their parents!

And fuck you mom and dad, I'm not religious so stop trying to convert me!

I'm stopping right there.

That really wasn't the direction that I wanted this entry to go, heh, oops. What I was going to talk about was this girl that I met at my school. She's really happenin' and fascinates me quite rightly. In fact, when she first came up to me she asked me immediately if I was into poetry and music. We went on talking for a few more hours after that, typically pretentious teenagery stuff like art and writing and a bit of politics. I had every intention of finding her again the next day to just spend some more time with her. I wanted her, and I wanted her to want me.

But that was not to be, she has a boyfriend as I learned the next day. And not just that, but a really cool boyfriend that I've hung out with on several occasions. I didn't know that these two were together, and I probably wouldn't have known even if it had smacked me in the side of the head like a wooden two-by-four. It's just that these complicated situations somehow have a penchant for seeking me out.

I know what you're saying. How convenient for me to be attracted to someone that I can't have, it avoids all the nasty little things of a relationship like responsibility and breaking up. And be forewarned, this reason is as hackneyed and clichéd as they come:

I just couldn't help it.

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